Call us hedonistic, but we all desire to live the good life full of leisure and relaxation. Specifically, we’re talking about the beloved cruise that many have sought out for a little rest and relaxation. But is the concept of a u201cluxurious” cruise actually all that grand? Or are the realities of a cruise actually much more sad and depressing than we remember? Take a second to recall your expectations of a cruise…and then keep reading for the harsh realities!

The morning sun is bright, causing a lovely shimmering effect on the water to the left and right of the cement walkway as you make your way down the pier to jump aboard your luxurious cruise. You receive the “red carpet” treatment as happy cruise workers greet you with their shiny white teeth and gratuitous wave as you make your way up the stairs of extravagance as you enter the vessel of vacation.

Unfortunately, your dreams of joyful arrival must come to an end. Rather than a personal greeting, while dragging suitcases and backpacks behind, you and your family must enter an airport-like terminal with sad, long lines. Here, you wait alongside your shipmates, many unsmiling, all wanting to skip this step. You’re then called to the generic office counter, provide your paperwork for safe documentation to the fake-friendly cruise line employee. Finally, you’ve been accepted, allowing you and your family passage to trudge up the inclined pier slope, taking you straight into the belly of the ship.

A pool not too big but not too small. Not too hot nor too cold. Preferably a pool with a swim-up bar, but you’re not too picky. One with a decent view of the ocean or port at the next destination. Oh, and a pool that lights up at night, that also bops to the beat of the music. That would be ideal.

It’s summer, it’s hot, and everyone has the same idea as you. Let’s go to the top deck, grab a few sun chairs near the pool, drop off our stuff, and jump in. We’ll enjoy a few drinks, the blue views, and the rushing breeze later. The only problem is, there are a few dozen other families that beat you there. It’s a bummer that they’re enjoying themselves during your vacation, and you aren’t.

On an ideal cruise, you’re able to waltz your way up to a clean, bubble-filled, private hot tub. The water temp is just right as you ease yourself deeper into your seat, close your eyes, and listen to the waves as the salty air whips up your hair. Maybe your significant other joins you, and maybe some friends, and they brought along some nice chilled bubbly.

On a actual cruise, you’re lucky if you beat everyone else to the prime spot in the hot tub as soon the pool deck is opened any given morning. By lunch, you’ve made a few decent friends to share a laugh with, but by 2 pm, the little hot tub is full of people you wouldn’t want to share a hot tub with. Not now, not ever.

The fanciest cruise liner rooms are built for the guests with tastes above the rest. This floating five-star hotel room is composed of exotic materials, finely crafted by expert craftsmen, arranged in such a way that everything comes together, like an orchestra hitting a crescendo. Furthermore, the ocean views are only elevated thanks to the private yet spacious outdoor patio.

When money is an object, only the finest economy-valued cabins will do. The carpet is fancily patterned…yet run down. The furniture, including the bed, are old. How old? Don’t ask us. There’s no balcony (or window, for that matter), so those of you who deal with motion sickness won’t be able to enjoy the calming effect a mere breeze has upon the body. We’re sorry for your stay down here.

On a Disney line cruise, you should expect a few shows or appearances, at the very least, from some of your favorite childhood characters. On other liners, you may get lucky enough to witness a mobile Cirque du Soleil show. Regardless, when the live entertainment is good, it’s really good.

But when the budget or stage don’t allow for mesmerizing acts, you may have to adjust your expectations. Rather than full-fledged performances, there may be a dancing duo or cruise ship comedian… both which are capable of entertaining you, just not the way a trapeze artist from Cirque du Soleil would.

Multiple bars and the newest slot machines with the brightest and most energy-efficient LEDs line the arteries of the casino walkways, while welcoming table dealers invite you to join their crazy game of high-rewards poker.

When we were getting ready to hit the casino, we weren’t getting ready for this. The space is lit well but the games and tables are, you know, looking a bit dull. The dealers look tired, standing in a darker room as they flex their muscles by the second, needing to keep themselves upright as the ship hits the next wave. This casino will do, but it’s surely not the fun you were expecting to have!

Pretty from afar and even more breathtaking up close, we all dream of “yachting” on a beautiful ship. Only the newest and best-maintained ship is good enough for you and your family to be seen on.

We hate to say it, but cruise ships just aren’t that pretty. Whether at sea or in port, even a new coat of paint and some “cool” graphics won’t slim down this bloated people-mover, practically toppling over with so many outdoor constructions.

Unless you’re already in the retirement age bracket or traveling with your family, you’re surely young enough to want to meet people; people looking to have some fun on the seven seas. The night is always young and you’re on the prowl, after all.

But as many of us who have had the pleasure of motoring through the sea on a giant ship know, it is the happy retiree that often makes up the bulk of the vacationing population. There’s not a single problem with this development. And we’re sure they’re happy the liner is moving slowly, or else you know they would be screaming, “Slow the boat down, you’re going too fast, are you trying to kill us?”

There’s a magical relationship between dining in opulence while dining at sea. Add in the fact that nicer attire is usually recommended, while the food is expected to deliver Michelin-star quality and it’s practically guaranteed that you’re going to have a lovely time.

Back to reality. The majority of dining on a cruise ship takes place in the common cafeteria, albeit with dozens of fellow diners and pretty solid food. Regardless, the experience is fine, especially thanks to the views, but again, there are a lot of people here, all the time.

Is the unlimited drink pass worth it? If you like to drink, absolutely. What if you don’t like to drink? Well, now it’s your time to learn and love the practice. (If you’re of age, and please don’t overdo it.)

In theory, the concept of unlimited drinks is admirable, but the execution and availability leaves much to be desired. If you love tropical drinks full of sugar, you’ll be in luck. Otherwise you may need to make a few extra stops at the bar.

You’ve upgraded to the lovers’ suite, you’ve opted for the alcohol and chocolate package, your sweetie is right next to you, and bada-bing bada-boom, you’re deeper in love than you’ve ever been. Nothing could go wrong!

…Until you realize you’re stuck on a giant ship full of strangers with limited privacy. Only then does the thoughtful gesture of a “romantic cruise getaway” make less and less sense.

The sun is out, which most likely means your buns are out. The slightest cooling breeze rolls across your tanning face to wick away the two drops of sweat near your hairline. The sky is clear without a cloud in sight. And the water? Calm and blue as can be. The temperature and weather conditions are just perfect.

And yet, the weather can be unforgiving. Days of rain and intense thunderstorms are a constant possibility. Rough sea waters and high winds can keep all members and tourists inside for fear of injury (or worse). Sensations of being pushed and pulled can make a drastic difference in perceived health and wellbeing. And worst of all, any attempts to walk around the liner during a storm will require tremendous balance for the moments of lost footing. (With that, we recommend you take the elevator, not the stairs.)

Aside from exploring the port city of various new countries, recreational excursions are some of the best uses of time spent while docked. From jet skiing in the Bahamas to visiting the Mayan village in Tulum, the excursions are bountiful. A Flamenco show, whale watching, snorkeling, off-roading, guided tours, local wine tastings, and plentiful shops all await your arrival!

If you’re traveling with older family members, they’ll surely want to take part in the culture (like guided tours) rather than partake in some of the more adrenaline-fueled activities. If the tour revolves around traversing the city, or a place some distance away, your tour bus is going to look pretty close to this sight. These parents and grandparents can’t wait to pinch your cheeks.

With the motion of the ocean, firm hands on your back, and a view as far as the eye can see, your mind and body will finally be allowed to recover and relax as the peace and serenity of the ocean will make its way into your soul. There’s no turning back once your eyes have been shut and the massage with tranquil nature sounds plays in the background.

No matter what cruise liner or spa you end up settling with, there’s always going to be an opportunity for relaxation. However, it won’t be as personal or secluded as you expect. Unless you shell out big for the cru00e8me-de-la-cru00e8me package, you’re likely going to be sharing your time and experience with other people.

1997’s Titanic is one of the most financially successful and popular films of all time, and arguably the best known films from the film are the “I’m King of the World!” scene and the “I’m flying…” scene, both of which take place on the bow of the ship. Often, cruisers will want to reenact one or both of those scenes on their own vacation, often imagining the very edge of the bow to be an isolated, romantic location full of spectacular views at sunset.

The reality of trying to replicate either if the famous Titanic bow scenes is quite different. First off, there’s a ton of equipment and etc. at the front of the ship (which is usually blocked off to guests anyway), preventing the unobstructed view and clear platform from the film. Furthermore, stating on the ship’s rail is less “romantic feeling of flying and being king of the world” and more “dangerous feeling of losing balance.” Beyond that, it’s also an idea many people have, meaning that the bow is less a lonely oasis and more a small area packed with a ton of passengers all looking fro the same picture.

Many passengers expect the cruise ship’s tender – AKA the small boat carried by the larger vessel that transports passengers back and forth to shore for boarding or port of call excursions – to be equal to the main vessel in terms of opulence and amenities. They feel this mini-ship will ferry them back and forth from ship to shore in comfort and opulence reminiscent of the glorious grand ocean liners of old.

In reality, the tender is not an opulent luxury craft. It’s actually a simple conveyance vehicle that makes short trips to the shore with none of the amenities or appeals of the main ship. Plus, aesthetically, the tender is very similar to the ship’s lifeboats – makes sense, since the tender will be used as a lifeboat in an emergency – which can be a bit disconcerting to ride in in the midst of a normal cruise.

Cruises have a reputation for luxury and relaxation, and that goes down to the bathrooms. Many cruisers imagine opulent bathrooms with plenty of room to get ready for an evening out and a large bathtub if they choose instead to stay in for the night with a bubble bath. Unfortunately, reality is a bit different.

Yeah, suffice to say, bathroom on cruise ships are neither large, nor luxurious and opulent. They’re usually small, with limited counter space and tiny showers or tubs, more built for utility than relaxation… in regular rooms anyway. Suites and other large rooms may have the type of luxury some are looking for. Bummer.

For some, the appeal of cruising is being on the open seas seeing wildlife. They imagine pods of dolphins and whales swimming right up to the ship, providing ample opportunities for photos and up close and personal viewing.

The reality of wildlife near a cruise ship: There really isn’t much. The fantasy of dolphins and whales swimming right up to the boat is just that: a fantasy. A majority of the time, all you’ll see looking off the boat is wide open empty ocean.

When one imagines the life of a cruise employee, they likely dream about a never-ending vacation. Sure, there will be work involved, but there’s also camaraderie with sea-faring comrades, visits to exotic locales, and all the food and drink one can imagine.

In reality, working on a cruise ship is hard taxing work. There’s little time to enjoy any of the “perks” of the ship or being on a “permanent vacation.” Instead there are long shifts, months at sea without family, bland meals. and small living quarters.

For may cruise vacationers, the expectations are quite high for their port of call. These travelers imagine exotic lands filled with food, and tropical ports that are untouched by the modern world and ripe for adventure. Unfortunately, these cinematic dreams often don’t match the reality of their vacation destinations.

Reality is this: Ports of Call often don’t live up to the exotic expectations. Now, we should clarify, the vast majority of major ports of call are definitely gorgeous, and lovely places not visit. However, they are also definitely tourist destinations with highly developed infrastructure and economies built for cruise ship visitors. In other words, they’re great places to visit, but certainly not “unexplored.”

One of the biggest subsections of cruises these days are celebrity/band cruises. These events, featuring everyone from Star Trek actors to professional wrestlers to rock bands like KISS, take the cruise experience and add in comic-con and/or concert aesthetics, including meet and greets, concerts, shows, and Q&As. However, some guests expect even more, thinking they will actually be cruising/hanging out/rubbing elbows with the celebrities or musicians they idolize. However, these super-fans are in for a rude awakening.

The reality of celebrity/band cruises is very different than the dreams of diehard fans. In actuality, outside of scheduled events like concerts or autograph signings, the celebrities are generally kept away from regular guests, staying in their own private area of the ship and not interacting. Which is fine, and frankly the way it should be.

Seasickness expectations are often actually not expectations at all. In other words, many first-time cruise goers simply assume they won’t get seasick because they’ve never felt ill in a pool or on a lake or etc., and therefore don’t stock up on medication. This leaves them overconfident and woefully unprepared for the potential illness to come.

The reality is that seasickness is A. Much more common that people may think and B. Much worse than simple nausea. Suffice to say, cruisers should be stocked up on Dramamine and prepared for the possibility, otherwise they’ll be spending their whole trip violently ill.

Some single cruisers are expecting to meet the love of their loves on a cruise. They imagine being swept off their feet at the ship’s bar, and spending a whirlwind romantic week in paradise with someone. From there some imagine it will remain a tropical fling, while other fantasize about meeting the person they’re going to spend the rest of their life with. Either way, a reality check is in order.

Reality is harsh in a few ways. First off, finding a fling on a cruise is by no means a foregone conclusion. The vacation environment doesn’t;t mean people will immediately click, and it doesn’t guarantee a given fling will be a good thing. Beyond that, even if a fling happens, the likelihood of it becoming a lasting relationship is slim, especially since the two people may be traveling from completely different places.

The expectations of beaches from some cruise visitors are similar to those of ports of call. Many people expect isolated, beautiful beaches where they can sit with a tropical drink and relax in beautiful tropical weather.

The reality of beaches on cruise ship vacations are similar to the realities of ports of call: They will be beautiful, but they’ll also likely be crowded, slammed with tourists, gift shops, and fellow cruise passengers.

Cruises both begin and end at port terminals, and many cruisers likely imagine them being vast, luxurious buildings that share the same opulence as the cruise ships passengers embark and disembark from there. However, that couldn’t be further from the truth.